On the Day We Should Have Met

My sweet baby:

Today was the day we should have met face to face, when I would have worked hard to bring you into the world, kiss your tiny face, sing you “Happy Birthday” and introduce you to your big sister. I would have given you a name, counted tiny fingers and toes, marveled at your soft weight in my arms, cried over how perfect and beautiful you are. My heart aches that I will never get to do those things.

But oh, my precious, perfect little child, you’re not forgotten. Even though I’ll never have the chance to soothe your tears, kiss your boo-boos, read your bedtime stories or sing you to sleep, you are in my heart every single second of every single day. In the few short weeks that we knew you existed, you changed my world for good. Sharing your story–our story–has allowed me to help other mommies who have babies in Heaven. Losing you taught me more about God’s grace and peace than any other experience of my life. I’m still angry that it had to happen, still heartbroken that we are without you, but I’m at peace knowing you’re with Jesus! You will know no pain, no sickness, no fear, no disappointment, no darkness, no loneliness. And, my baby, I will hold you one day.

Today I will mourn, and I will cry, and I will allow myself to feel the loss. And then I will sing, and I will praise, and I will celebrate you, because you were here, if only for a while. And for your whole existence I had the supreme honor of carrying you for every second. And because of Jesus Christ you will live forever with Him.

I love you, baby.

xoxo – Mommy

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